Sassy (and Assy) Start to Dancing with the Stars

The premiere of season 5 of Dancing with the Stars showed some unbelievable talent. The ladies were sassy while the guys were “assy” (more on this later). Overall, I got to say that each dancer did well in their first performance. Everyone looked comfortable dancing and performed the part. This will be a very competitive season.

Kelly Taylor of 90210 aka Jennie Garth started it off for the ladies, and in her video montage, she looked like she was going to have a nervous breakdown during practices. When it was showtime though, Jennie was zeroed in and danced well with partner Derek Hough. Don’t the Hough family remind you of the Family Von Trapp?

Josie Maran busted all stereotypes (I had at least) about models. I assumed that being a swimsuit model, she’d be somewhat in shape to look good for the camera. WRONG! All the judges could tell she didn’t have the strength required for ballroom dancing, and yeah, her performance looked “floppy.” Josie got reamed with her scores but she maintained her sassy attitude in the post interviews. I wonder if she’ll be the first to go or will her looks keep her alive?

Scary Spice did a good job and should make it to the mid rounds. Marie Osmond is still spunky for her age, but her age is a problem. It’s so hard for the “mature” dancers to move like the younger performers, except if you’re 56-year old Jane Seymour. Elegance personified indeed. Even though she’s the oldest dancer of all the Dancing with the Stars, she looked real good. Her dance flowed well, and she had more strength than younger Josie even with a bad back.

The leader of the ladies has got to be young’en Sabrina Bryan of Cheetah Girls fame. Her performance with newbie Mark Ballas was electrifying and brought the audience to its feet. She’ll have to prove herself in the slower ballroom dances to be a true contender though. Cheetahlicious!

The guys took the dance floor on Tuesday night and outdid the ladies (I think) with some assy performances. Each and every guy looked like they were completely comfortable and into the dances.

Cameron Mathison was the first guy up which pretty much insured all 7’s across the scoreboard. He looked a little stiff, but has the body frame of a dancer and Edyta as a partner. He’ll stick around for a few more rounds.

Billionaire Mark Cuban brought some ass to the show, showing off his scar from recent hip surgery. Only seven weeks ago? He’s in no physical shape to compete. He’s having fun but that recent operation will affect his performances.

I still don’t know who Albert Reed is but dang that guy can gyrate! Every judge commented about his crotch rolling moves and yeah, he does look like Head Judge Len Goodman as a youngster.

Champion boxer Floyd Mayweather led the assy male performances by first being an ass with partner Karina Smirnoff. Instead of listening and learning from his partner and instructor, Floyd wanted to do Floyd’s thing, but then Floyd realized what was good for Floyd, and Floyd then apologized (don’t you love guys that refer to themselves in the third person?). His dance was more “I’m gonna kick your ass” than “kick ass.” It looked like Floyd was in the boxing ring duking it out instead of dancing ballroom.

Legendary Wayne Newton was entertaining, but he’ll need to rely on his fan support to go far. While he still moves fairly well, he can’t compete physically with the other guys.

The guy in the pole position is Helio Castroneves. It might be natural talent, or it could be the choreography of Julianne Hough, but this pair was hot (so what if Helio sweats like an ass?). Unless physically gifted Floyd Mayweather can learn to dance, Helio and Julianne might be this year’s champion.

Related: DWTS Season 5 Recap

Technorati Tags: Dancing with the Stars, television